At the end of the day

I realize that women don't always ask for what they want. We aren't content with sitting by and watching as things happen to us sometimes, but we do it anyway. Society sucks. Clean the house, have the baby, be submissive, smile...all the time, worry, tell him how good he is in bed... sheesh..

I know I sound kind of tricky right now, but man come on. I want to be the stay at home mom, but with some money. I want to be the business mogul...whose kids are in the next room doing their homework. I want to be the do all to end all DIVA, and still play jacks with my niece. I want to be the award winning poet, and still watch stupid shit on tv...

I want it all. Definitions don't mean anything if they don't apply to you. Definitions don't mean anything, if they don't apply to you. So what you don't like to bake. F- the folks who look to see if your kids socks match every day. Does that make you're a bad person.. hell no! It makes you normal.

So what if you are a dude and can't fix your car, or a leak, or change a light bulb... Does that make you a bad person? It might look a little strange to most guys (who are fakers anyway), but who cares.

Ask for what you want. So you act, so you be, so you are....

______________________________________

TAKE CARE OF ME

Take care of me

What a large request

for a small circumstance.

I can handle the bills the babies, the boss and

Whatever else the universe can

toss at me,

I just need you

to take care of me.

I have ten thousand hands

in ten million things

I can situate, talk, cook, contemplate, cuss

and cradle

All at the same time

And place words together to rhyme

insanity

to reason

But I can't hold me tight enough,

just right enough

For things to stop moving all at once.

I need you to wrap me in quiet

and heat

and to repeat this nightly

so that I may sleep

and wake

with fresh mind

and renewed faith

Make me able to face

what comes from heaven

And hell

Just to be held

by you.

Take care of me.

The Ancient Art of Makin' a Dolla Outta 15 cent

I don't want to work. I really don't. Why be somewhere you don't want to be when you don't want to be there. Working is a hassle more so than a hustle. I like hustling....shit. I'm ironing out ways to not work when I don't want to. I'm clear that I wasn't born for a 9 to 5. Enjoying the movement of going and coming when I want has become too comfortable for me. Let the church say....Amen.

I haven't had a job since August 2007, and I like it. It can get rough from time to time, but I'm making it happen. There are a plenty of folks who can use my talents or who would just like to pay for my advice and time. Shit!!!! Well Alright!! I have an online tutoring job that I can jump in and out of when things get tight. Those that know me, understand my ability to hustle. I got people to feed and love don't fill no bellies....well at least not with food, more like more people to feed.....

Writing grants for myself seems to be just as difficult as writing them for others. Building my own network doesn't seem as hard though. I love to talk and people are listening. So my plan is by 2009 , I'll at least be in a solid partnership with a non-profit to provide service to the youth of the city of Philadelphia. By 2010, I just want to be shaking hands and depositing checks.

My children do have a vicious entrepreneurial spirit. They'll sell anything that even looks like someone could use it. They also understand giving and providing for others that don't have what they do. Believe me, they don't have a lot, but someone will always have less. They don't need to believe that they have to grow up and work under someone til they reach retirement age. That will not survive anyone or any family as this world comes to an end.

Ladies, love is not a catalyst for not handling your own shit. Please consider you don't need to worry about what someone will think of you if you decide to take a leap of faith. Sometimes the shit you can't see will carry through...your butt might get scraped along the way, but your heart and scruples will be growing all the while.

Reba Hawkins, Sabrina Ward, Derrick Chase, Paythia Jenkins. I say ashe! You guys have let me in on the secrets of "what looks like work on a normal day, is really love of self in the moonlight." I appreciate your drive and your ability to create something out of nothing. Derrick was selling hotdogs on graduation day, Bri Ward was paying bills with air and hope, Reebs found the dough to roll to Jamaica in just two days from the date of notification, and Paythia got the city of Philly hemmed up by the collar shaking that money loose!! I'm up next! Thanks you guys. I'm trying to ad Proph to the list. So she would want to hurry the hell up.

Build it yourself!

ROCKS

You know...I'm the grand diva of nothing.
The queen of "we'll have it soon enough".
I can't do everything, and for the most part I don't want to. Every now and again Lord, let someone lead me. How bout the opportunity to step out of the way or off the path and let someone else trail blaze, and lay new foundation, and build some shit. DAMN, man. Every good woman I know describes themselves as a rock. Every fucking single one.....
What the hell?! How come I can't be the soft, organic material that causes excessive restfulness, peace and welcome perversions? How come? Can I sit down now...please? We are made from the inside out so I completely get it...I really do. Every now and again I need my middle to be my beginning and my right now. Dag.

Seeking the solace of my sisters
tired of being made out of rocks
and hard places
carving out existence
and not catching cases
breaking off folks
not conforming to our spaces
of reality and truth.

Shit....let's make a break for it
let's temporarily quit
or abject power and
just chill somewhere a couple hours
or days or weeks or months.
Well really days,
i'm to much of a punk to roll out for real

let's bask in the rays of superwhite
teeth belonging to temporary thieves
of our hearts
on some island,
in some city,
around some way that
does not require
contracts or screaming and hollering
or children, boyfriends, and family
bothering
us....

Rocks are for quarries and
and raising water levels
right now i'd rather be some
expensive beveled glass
admired and not touched
just beheld
so there
now you have it
a plea to just jump
up and grab it
a state of pleasant
do nothingness
all for the sake of
unrequited mental bliss.

I need a vacation.........

HUNGRY

Starving... emaciated lioness

helpless face
pressed to the sun soaked grass
thrill of the hunt traded
for pre-packaged tame daily rituals

wishing to be soil and seed and blade
soaking in sun
fuel for her blood

envious

untame game
willingly passing through around
and just out of reach
sweet phantom taste sound sight
phantom freedom

spinning possibility over head
soul left unspent
only her eyes are satisfied

Miss Graham on rearin' chilluns

Spare the rod spoil the child is how it goes. States are trying to ban spanking; DHS interferring with the process of; parents not knowing how to; kids really in need of one; oversexualized by tv-radio; I'm just trying to keep it real with my kids.

Don't abuse them. There is a definite line you should never cross. Don't spare them the spanking. There is a definite line you should cross. The world will not spare them. They are strong, black, smart, articulate, and they are mine. Most of all I don't want to be their friend. I'm not sure how long they would live imitating the behavior of their non-black peers. Sometimes they get confused.

Don't spank when you are mad. Set a time. Give them a minute to consider the punishment, and whether or not it was worth doing whatever it was, if the consequence is a spanking. Discuss it, do it, talk about it, plan for the future. It's simple. Often I feel crazed because I sound like a broken record, though slowly but surely, I see the evolution.

I love my children more than practically anything else. Most of what they have, they came by honest. The only exception to this would be my love of sanity and need for clarity. No parent should sacrifice the previous. It's not necessary, and it's vital we keep that part intact. I am not a believer in privacy when you are under a certain age and still live with your mom. All the liberal sentiment on that issue is bullshit. Too many children smoking, sexing, stealing, and whatever else in the name of privacy. I unequivocally say "dahellyousay!" to that. I would rather my sons be irritated. I would rather them be inconvenienced and convined that I am a loon. I would rather follow them around, from friends house to friends house, couch, park, to football field, to classroom, to work, to wherever. They need to know that when they are away from the family, they have a staunch obligation to be on their best behavior. No one outside of our house will be as "pro" "them" as we will. Watch your mouth, AND you don't know who knows me out there, so watch it.

There is too much foolishness going on in this world for me not to devote an excessive amount of my time to their well being. They don't know what the want. They know what they like. Not what they want, most surely not what they need. I set the example. Putting them on the path I want them to go in, is not wrong. I choose their clothes, what they eat, what they read, watch and listen to, who their friends...yeah, that's what I said...who their friends are, and how they spend their time.

When they think and reason rationally, meet expectations, and proceed with clarity and thoughtfulness, I back off. It is most certainly a process. Don't expect them to get it all the time. I really don't. I just know that my job is full of extra stuff for me to do in order to get them straight. No monsters will be released on some other woman's daughters.

All those that read this and think that this is extreme, or that I must not have a life, or that It's unfair, can basically tie their tubes and cut their vas deferens for all I care. This world is lent to us by them. I will not wreak more havoc on this planet by sending out more missionless, brainless, disrespectful, misogynistic, crybabies into the world.

Yeah.